In a bold move no one really asked for, HAAB has just introduced the latest in biometric security: the tongue scanner.
That’s right, forget keys or fingerprint readers—now, the hottest new way to protect your home is by sticking your tongue out and pressing it against a sensor. The high-tech scanner promises to analyze the unique details of your taste buds to ensure no unauthorized tongues gain access to your home. “The tongue is the most unique body part,” boasted HAAB’s CTO, Oskar Rickman, in a statement that could have been easily debunked by a middle school biology class. A quick online search reveals that, no, the tongue is not the most unique body part—unless you’re comparing it to, say, an elbow. But hey, why let facts get in the way of innovation?
Shockingly, despite the awkwardness of licking your way into your own house, investors are fully onboard with the product. They see endless potential, possibly envisioning a future where we’re all licking ATMs, car doors, and who knows what else. Because if there’s one thing the market loves, it’s making everyday tasks as weird as possible.