As the rest of us were scrambling to hold onto imaginary fortunes and licking our digital wounds from the devastating NYFE crash, one figure emerged unscathed—no, richer than ever.
Littleskrunkle. A name that now strikes envy and confusion into the hearts of virtual investors everywhere. While most traders were left desperately trying to scrape together whatever pennies they could, littleskrunkle somehow managed to reach the investment cap, making more money than you’ll probably ever see, real or otherwise.
In a market riddled with fake news, questionable decisions, and what some call “extremely suspicious luck,” The Gateway Report caught up with the man, the myth, the legend himself to see just how he did it.
Good day, Mr. Skrunkle. Should I call you Skrunkle? Mr. Little?
– Hello! Both works, but I would like to be preferred by my full name.
And thus, the legend insists on formality. Littleskrunkle it is.
You managed to gain a huge amount of money when others are currently crawling in the sewers looking for any dime they can find. Tell me, what was your trading strategy?
– My trading strategy was first of all, not to miss a single update cycle so I could make money. Well, for most of the time. Second of all, I would analyze the graph of each stock making sure that I was going for the one that had the biggest chance of spiking up. Last of all, I would look at the rise in stock and the price comparison, like if a stock was $10 and seemed to be able to raise $1, it would be better to go for that stock instead of one that costs $100 and only seemed likely to rise $5.
Ah yes, the classic “refresh until your finger cramps” approach. The stock market is truly a battleground of stamina and mouse clicks.
Your success has sparked rumours of insider trading—what do you say to those who claim you bribed the algorithm?
– All of the people saying that are frauds and they just can’t accept that I’m just the better trader. I did not do insider trading nor bribing to raise the stocks. It was all just pure skill, math, and maybe a tiny bit of luck.
Fair enough. Was there a moment where you thought you would lose it all? Perhaps when Kang fooled us all with his Kang Coin scam?
– Oh… Don’t remind me. He had raised my money from 1 billion to 4 billion, but then, back to 1 billion, back to square one. It was truly, as the internet would say, “Jover.” But I pushed on and I am here.
You sure are. Thanks to us, hopefully. How much success do you credit The Gateway Report on your trading gains? Or was it pure instinct?
– The Gateway Report did help at some points. But it would make the selection harder in the long run. Because Gateway would only make already low-paying stocks go down. And when a good stock was about to go down, I had no choice but to take a risk on medium-good stocks. Risk because, as I said before, I had to earn more money than the people below me in the top 10.
Other investors claimed the market was rigged from the start. How did you manage to rise above such baseless accusations of fairness?
– You gotta do what you gotta do. Life is sometimes just some clowns robbing you to your pennies. I hadn’t taken the Scry Digital raise at the beginning and fell as low as 8 thousand the first day. It was not the worst, but clearly not the best. I will say, though, some stocks were really unfair.
Clowns and pennies. If that doesn’t summarize the stock market experience, nothing will.
Blame Andrew Kang.
– Well, not to blame him. His company was just losing and gaining too much at once. It may be caused by his… questionable personality.
Speaking of, are you a member of the infamous “Kang Gang”?
– In Kang I trust. He has made some questionable decisions before, made me lose billions, did a digital rug pull, and more. But he knows the truth, and so do I. He will raise humanity to its highest potential with his technology and mind.
Ah, yes, the cult of Kang. If only all failed tech moguls had such loyal followers.
When you hit the cap, did you feel like a financial genius or just someone who clicked the refresh button faster than everyone else?
– Both. I clicked refresh faster than anyone AND felt like a genius that I already am. And looked down and laughed upon the traders below me as I sat on 100 trillions with my golden crown.
Wow. Money really makes you a greedy arse.
– A large amount of money surely would make any of the good men out there twist their personality.
Finally, is there anything you would like to say to other investors, or Gateway Report fans before we wrap up this interview?
– For the investors, good investing with all of you. Even the people that for some reason decided to lose as much money as they can, falling below $100. Really put up some fight and at times, you people frightened me by coming so close to taking over my spot. For Gateway fans, Andrew Kang is just a misunderstood person. Don’t paint him as the devil. That’s all, keep on investing folks.
And there you have it, folks. Self-proclaimed financial genius Littleskrunkle. A modern philosopher, reminding us all that fortune, even digital, corrupts.