In a leaked memo, it is revealed that productivity is actually a result of using cocaine.
The news comes as a shock after the news that Quantz reported a 200% boost in productivity, claiming that it was due to “streamlined workflows” and “employee dedication”. Now, however, the truth is out. However, a leaked internal memo now reveals that the real productivity hack may have been a bit more… powdered. In a memo that has left shareholders scrambling, Quantz’s CEO allegedly encouraged employees to “embrace the energy” with a little help from cocaine. The now-infamous document reads: “It is so nice doing cocaine in the office here at Quantz to boost productivity 200%.”
The shocking revelation has caused a frenzy among shareholders, who are feeling more than a little betrayed after celebrating the company’s supposed efficiency. As for the employees, it turns out their dedication may have been less about corporate loyalty and more about riding the high—literally. Quantz’s productivity may have been off the charts, but now their credibility is tanking faster than an afternoon crash.