In a lawsuit that redefines “first-world problems,” a wealthy socialite is taking their personal security guard to court for being too protective.
The plaintiff (pictured), known for their lavish lifestyle and occasional reality TV cameos, claims the guard’s unwavering commitment to safety caused “emotional suffocation” and “a general vibe of paranoia.” Court documents detail instances where the guard allegedly “stood too close,” “intercepted too many fan interactions,” and “ruined the thrill of danger”.
“I couldn’t even get my usual midnight gelato without a full security sweep,” the millionaire lamented. “What’s the point of being rich if I can’t recklessly wander the streets at 2 AM? I wanted a bodyguard, not a babysitter”.
The security guard, a former military operative hired through LynxGuard — a firm known for providing top-tier protection to high-profile clients — maintains that he was simply doing the job he was paid for. Sources close to the defendant say he’s even considering a countersuit for “forced job excellence.”
The case is set to be heard at the Supreme Judicial Court of New York in the coming weeks. Legal analysts are baffled, but given LynxGuard’s history of working with only the wealthiest and most powerful clients, this might just be their strangest challenge yet.