In a strange turn of events, the cost of resin has skyrocketed as criminals craft skunk-shaped guns, an affront to safety and olfactory senses.
In a city where it’s easier to find an artisanal oat milk latte than a functioning public restroom, residents are now grappling with an even stranger crisis: the price of resin has shot up roughly 2,000% due to a bizarre new crime wave involving 3D-printed guns that look like skunks.
The sudden surge in resin demand follows a notorious uptick in 3D-printed firearms, creatively designed to resemble small, albeit lethal, woodland creatures. Authorities have blamed the increase in skunk-gun-related incidents on the city’s impossibly complex gun licensing process. Thanks to endless bureaucratic hoops and a recent surge in violent crime, it’s now more likely for New Yorkers to win the lottery than to secure a gun permit. Criminals, ever resourceful, have turned to 3D printers instead.
“I can’t believe this is happening,” said Brooklyn resident Clara McGrath, who uses resin for her small jewelry business. “I just wanted to make some cute earrings for my online shop, and now I’m being outbid by some guy down the street 3D-printing a skunk-shaped revolver.”
The resin price hike has enraged hobbyists, artists, and law-abiding citizens who have nothing to do with the city’s new wave of creative criminality. Several resin suppliers have claimed they’re overwhelmed with orders from what they describe as “suspiciously large requests for resin” that seem less about DIY crafts and more about producing questionable woodland-themed weaponry.
While the crime wave continues to grow, it seems that not all those using these artistic renders are happy with the results. An anonymous, self-proclaimed criminal going by the pseudonym “The Accountant” claims that while these firearms are easier to obtain than legal ones, they lack the punch he has come to expect, stating, “It feels like a ridiculous nerf! Sucks.”
Law enforcement has been scrambling to keep up with the sudden trend of novelty guns, which are not only disguised as animals but, in a stroke of artisanal brilliance, also spray an obnoxious chemical scent when fired, leaving behind both physical and nasal carnage. “It’s an insult to law and the olfactory senses,” the police department spokesperson admitted, much to their chagrin.
Meanwhile, city officials have offered no immediate solutions to the resin crisis. The Mayor, addressing the issue at a press conference, shrugged and said, “We encourage citizens to explore alternative creative outlets. Try knitting.”
With no end in sight to the resin shortage, New Yorkers are left grappling with the strange reality of a black market dominated by bootleg skunk guns and overpriced crafting materials. As one angry Queens artist put it, “First it was rent, now it’s resin. At this point, I might just 3D-print a skunk gun of my own—purely for protest purposes, of course.” We believe them.