Wicked manager named “Oscar” arrested at Lynxguard for throwing coworker out of window.
In a shocking turn of events, Oscar, the once highly regarded manager of the Lynxguard Marketing Team—famous for their brilliant ads—has been arrested following his bold (if unconventional) decision to eject an employee—literally—out of a second-floor window. What began as water cooler gossip turned serious yesterday as police took Oscar into custody, leaving the Lynxguard office stunned and rethinking their admiration for the man’s “hands-on” management style.
The victim, Vincent, is currently recovering from severe injuries sustained during the fall, which included multiple fractures and a bruised ego. Paramedics, who initially thought the employee had escaped with minor scrapes, have since revised their diagnosis. “He’s in pretty rough shape,” said paramedic Joe Stevens, whose earlier nonchalance has shifted to a tone of concern. “Turns out bushes aren’t great shock absorbers when you’re thrown out a window by your boss. Who knew?”
The incident, which initially sent waves of disbelief through the office, has taken a much darker tone as details emerge. According to several sources, the employee’s complaints, which many once found amusing, were not just harmless gripes about coffee and printer jams but genuine workplace concerns. “Looking back, we probably should have seen it coming,” said Kevin from Marketing, now much less enamored with Oscar’s predator-like pounce. “I mean, he was always a bit intense, but we didn’t expect him to go that far. At the time, it was like watching a movie, but now it feels more like a courtroom drama.”
Oscar’s arrest occurred just hours after the incident, following what can only be described as a long, awkward silence in the office. Police were reportedly called after HR belatedly remembered that throwing someone out of a window constitutes assault, no matter how satisfying it might seem in the moment. “This is going to be a tough one for the company,” said Otto from IT, quietly disabling Oscar’s login credentials as the news spread. “I mean, productivity did go up for an hour, but… this? This is gonna bring us back down.”
Lynxguard’s legal team is scrambling to contain the fallout, with the company quickly issuing a statement distancing themselves from Oscar’s “unorthodox conflict resolution tactics.” The statement read: “Lynxguard does not condone or tolerate violence in any form. We are fully cooperating with authorities and are committed to ensuring a safe and respectful workplace for all employees—no matter how annoying they might be.”
Oscar is currently awaiting trial, facing charges that include aggravated assault and reckless endangerment. If convicted, he could face serious prison time, though some former colleagues still seem conflicted about the whole thing. “I mean, yeah, it was wrong,” said Sanna from Product Design, now sitting much farther from windows during meetings. “But you can’t deny, the guy had passion for problem-solving.”
Vincent, meanwhile, is reportedly in good spirits despite the injuries, with a source close to the situation confirming he is “surprisingly optimistic” given the circumstances. “He’s joking about it already,” said Jess from Admin, nervously fluffing the pillows around her cubicle. “He said it’s the most exciting thing that’s happened to him in years. Then again, he’s on a lot of painkillers right now, so… we’ll see how long that lasts.”
As Oscar awaits his day in court, Lynxguard employees are left grappling with the fallout—and the HR department is fielding a lot of calls. “I’m sure we’ll bounce back,” said Kevin from Marketing, though he couldn’t confirm if the company’s next manager will be required to undergo anger management training before assuming the role. “In the meantime, we’re considering all alternatives to window-facing offices.”
Editorial Note: While Oscar’s actions can’t be condoned, they’ve certainly reminded us all to keep meetings brief—and far away from windows.