Friday, May 31 2024
Story by Ryan Cooper

The handle mystery finally solved

After weeks of speculation and frustration, the inexplicable case with the missing door handles has finally found a resolution.

The brightly colored nightclub Neon Cradle might be known for its good vibes, but something else has been on the visitors’ lips recently.

The talk of the town is about the puzzling fact that door handles have been missing from the nightclub, leaving visitors and staff stranded behind closed doors. Even weirder: they were only missing from wooden doors. However, the door handles have now been put back.

Supposedly, there is a copper craze in the junkie community where they are on the lookout for valuable copper, resulting in a hunt for copper everywhere. Additionally, there is a rumor among junkies that the door handles in Neon Cradle are made out of copper, causing a surge in visitors with questionable body odors.

The bouncers apparently didn’t notice anything different with the junkies, as they thought they “looked like regulars”.

And as it turns out, this rumor has spread to parts of the public community too. One source The Gateway Report has talked to has gotten a whiff of the handle hoarding, saying that this has become a trend among club-goers – challenging each other to steal handles and leave people on the other side stranded.

But earlier this week, the missing handles were re-installed. Police officer Timothy Pierce had just been shopping for donuts when he witnessed a man with a cart full of handles outside a Rolled Taste store. The man ran away when he spotted pierce, leaving him with a handful of handles.

When we asked for a comment, he simply said that “he handled it”.

Pierce returned the handles to the Neon Cradle staff, and they restored them to their original places. Junkies (and thieves alike) can stop stealing handles now. Turns out the door handles weren’t made of copper, but rusty steel.