Do the crime, do the time.
Wednesday, October 30 2024
Crafting Chaos: The Skunk Gun Crime Wave Strikes NYC
In a strange turn of events, the cost of resin has skyrocketed as criminals craft skunk-shaped guns, an affront to safety and olfactory senses.... Read More
Thursday, October 3 2024
Drug Bust At Retirement Home
The wrong medicine was delivered to a retirement home, the elderly took ecstasy instead of heart medication.... Read More
Thursday, September 19 2024
Stock Market In Shambles!
The stock market, the sacred playground of finance bros and hedge fund titans, was brought to its knees this week when the masked villains dropped in—literally—through the roof of the New York Financial Exchange.... Read More
Monday, September 16 2024
Almendia Truck Crash Reveals Airbag Full of Cocaine
In yet another bizarre twist for Almendia, one of their delivery drivers is making headlines—not for his impeccable delivery record, but for crashing his truck and being engulfed in what turned out to be an airbag stuffed with cocaine.... Read More
Saturday, September 14 2024
ViaLock CEO’s Bizarre DUI Arrest Sends Stock Soaring
In a story that could be straight out of a dark comedy, Jennifer Kyte, CEO of ViaLock, was recently arrested for a DUI under some truly bizarre circumstances.... Read More
Thursday, September 12 2024
Mouthy Employee Defenestrated At Lynxguard Over Verbal Disagreement
Wicked manager named “Oscar” arrested at Lynxguard for throwing coworker out of window. In a shocking turn of events, Oscar, the once highly regarded manager of the Lynxguard Marketing Team—famous for their brilliant ads—has been arrested following his bold (if unconventional) decision to eject an employee—literally—out of a second-floor window.... Read More
Wednesday, September 11 2024
Flatkeep Wins Contract To Fix City Pot Potholes
No, you didn’t misread that. Flatkeep is tasked with patching up the city’s potholes, which are secretly hiding a different kind of traffic.... Read More
Wednesday, September 11 2024
Investors Shocked as “Kang Coin” Crashes Faster Than Your Weekend Plans, Fraud Accusations Fly
For the third time in a week, Andrew Kang, CEO of ScryDigital, is back in the headlines—this time, it’s not just for bad business decisions, but possibly for something illegal.... Read More
Tuesday, September 10 2024
Morsley Surveillance Faces Legal Turmoil Amid Disturbing Allegations
Morsley, a major player in the surveillance industry, is facing significant legal challenges after reports surfaced that employees have been secretly misusing company cameras.... Read More
Tuesday, September 10 2024
Famous Porch Pirate & Content Creator Killed by Almendia driver
Famous porch pirate and content creator JohnnyNabbs was shot and killed yesterday in a New Jersey suburban home while attempting to steal a new delivery of diapers, causing Almendia delivery drivers and customers alike to rejoice.... Read More
Monday, September 9 2024
SCB robberies keep affecting stock price
Secure Capital Bank can’t seem to catch a break, with them being a victim of more robberies than ever.... Read More
Monday, September 9 2024
Mayhem Caused by Crime Sprees a “Smashing” Success for Flatkeep
While New York crumbles, Flatkeep is cashing in on the chaos. By now, New Yorkers must treat the sound of gunfire and explosions like background noise, but for construction company Flatkeep, it’s music to their ears.... Read More
Monday, September 9 2024
Vialock to offer anti-heist insurance
In a press release earlier today, the security company ViaLock will start to offer insurance to prevent heist attempts.... Read More
Saturday, September 7 2024
Wixia screensaver found to be crypto mining
The origin of Wixias recent crypto assets has been made clear as they face a class-action lawsuit for crypto mining their client's computers via their screensaver. Read More
Saturday, September 7 2024
Safe cracking, literally
Turns out Titan, the company manufacturing indestructible cameras, isn’t as successful in safes. Read More
Monday, August 19 2024
Courthouse under attack
Read an exclusive inside report from the New York courtroom where a breakout attempt is currently underway. Read More
Wednesday, August 14 2024
Judge Maintains Hardline on Crime
Judge Green's tough sentencing in the wake of NYC's recent crime wave has sparked growing controversy and speculation about his potential move into politics. Read More
Wednesday, July 10 2024
Police Plea Caution for Crime Onlookers
The SBC bank in downtown NYC has been robbed multiple time since it was opened. Yet a recent trend is causing headaches for the NYPD and their efforts to prevent civilian casualties.... Read More
Saturday, June 29 2024
From Gold to Lead for NYPD
The 52nd precinct was recently given the dubious honor of safekeeping large quantities of impounded gold.... Read More
Friday, May 31 2024
The handle mystery finally solved
After weeks of speculation and frustration, the inexplicable case with the missing door handles has finally found a resolution.... Read More
Wednesday, May 22 2024
A Golden Opportunity for Soon Defunct Bronx Police Station
As the result of a raid on a Brooklyn gold investment firm, the 51st precinct of the NY police has seized what they refer to as “a truckload” of gold.”... Read More
Wednesday, May 15 2024
A real stinker of a trial brings attention to Gun & Animal Rights
The woman who attempted to rob a fast food restaurant using a skunk as a weapon received unexpected help from unexpected allies in gun and animal rights organizations.... Read More
Sunday, May 12 2024
Drug dealer suing NY state makes headway
Earlier in the year, Mr Harkin sued NY State for supposed antitrust violations. Now, his case is making headway in the courts.... Read More