Crime Articles

Thursday, January 2 2025 The Terror of The Payday Gang

The Terror of The Payday Gang

The recent crime wave is no accident; it’s the work of a single, organized criminal gang.... Read More

Thursday, December 26 2024 Banking Is Doing Well Despite Rise In Crime

Banking Is Doing Well Despite Rise In Crime

Banking is flourishing despite all the recent robberies—or maybe because of them? A theory being circulated in specific online forums claims banks are profiting from the insecurity around the city.... Read More

Friday, December 20 2024 Silent Nights, Please: The Holiday Gift New Yorkers Actually Want

Silent Nights, Please: The Holiday Gift New Yorkers Actually Want

City residents are making their holiday wishes loud and clear—or rather, quietly clear—for a change. Forget gadgets, fancy clothes, or overpriced tech.... Read More

Thursday, November 28 2024 HR Manager Busted Running Speakeasy In Stationary Room

HR Manager Busted Running Speakeasy In Stationary Room

A Secure Capital Bank HR manager has been accused of turning a supply room into a late-night speakeasy.... Read More

Thursday, November 14 2024 Supreme Court’s Broken Soda Machine Sparks Unprecedented Legal Crisis

Supreme Court’s Broken Soda Machine Sparks Unprecedented Legal Crisis

In a shocking twist for New York’s esteemed Supreme Judicial Court, the real scandal isn’t escaped convicts or pending cases; it’s the soda machine in the hallway that has once again—brace yourself—stopped working.... Read More

Wednesday, October 30 2024 Crafting Chaos: The Skunk Gun Crime Wave Strikes NYC

Crafting Chaos: The Skunk Gun Crime Wave Strikes NYC

In a strange turn of events, the cost of resin has skyrocketed as criminals craft skunk-shaped guns, an affront to safety and olfactory senses.... Read More

Thursday, October 3 2024 Drug Bust At Retirement Home

Drug Bust At Retirement Home

The wrong medicine was delivered to a retirement home, the elderly took ecstasy instead of heart medication.... Read More

Thursday, September 19 2024 Stock Market In Shambles!

Stock Market In Shambles!

The stock market, the sacred playground of finance bros and hedge fund titans, was brought to its knees this week when the masked villains dropped in—literally—through the roof of the New York Financial Exchange.... Read More

Monday, September 16 2024 Almendia Truck Crash Reveals Airbag Full of Cocaine

Almendia Truck Crash Reveals Airbag Full of Cocaine

In yet another bizarre twist for Almendia, one of their delivery drivers is making headlines—not for his impeccable delivery record, but for crashing his truck and being engulfed in what turned out to be an airbag stuffed with cocaine.... Read More

Saturday, September 14 2024 ViaLock CEO’s Bizarre DUI Arrest Sends Stock Soaring

ViaLock CEO’s Bizarre DUI Arrest Sends Stock Soaring

In a story that could be straight out of a dark comedy, Jennifer Kyte, CEO of ViaLock, was recently arrested for a DUI under some truly bizarre circumstances.... Read More

Thursday, September 12 2024 Mouthy Employee Defenestrated At Lynxguard Over Verbal Disagreement

Mouthy Employee Defenestrated At Lynxguard Over Verbal Disagreement

Wicked manager named “Oscar” arrested at Lynxguard for throwing coworker out of window. In a shocking turn of events, Oscar, the once highly regarded manager of the Lynxguard Marketing Team—famous for their brilliant ads—has been arrested following his bold (if unconventional) decision to eject an employee—literally—out of a second-floor window.... Read More

Wednesday, September 11 2024 Flatkeep Wins Contract To Fix City Pot Potholes

Flatkeep Wins Contract To Fix City Pot Potholes

No, you didn’t misread that. Flatkeep is tasked with patching up the city’s potholes, which are secretly hiding a different kind of traffic.... Read More

Wednesday, September 11 2024 Investors Shocked as “Kang Coin” Crashes Faster Than Your Weekend Plans, Fraud Accusations Fly

Investors Shocked as “Kang Coin” Crashes Faster Than Your Weekend Plans, Fraud Accusations Fly

For the third time in a week, Andrew Kang, CEO of ScryDigital, is back in the headlines—this time, it’s not just for bad business decisions, but possibly for something illegal.... Read More

Tuesday, September 10 2024 Morsley Surveillance Faces Legal Turmoil Amid Disturbing Allegations

Morsley Surveillance Faces Legal Turmoil Amid Disturbing Allegations

Morsley, a major player in the surveillance industry, is facing significant legal challenges after reports surfaced that employees have been secretly misusing company cameras.... Read More

Tuesday, September 10 2024 Famous Porch Pirate & Content Creator Killed by Almendia driver

Famous Porch Pirate & Content Creator Killed by Almendia driver

Famous porch pirate and content creator JohnnyNabbs was shot and killed yesterday in a New Jersey suburban home while attempting to steal a new delivery of diapers, causing Almendia delivery drivers and customers alike to rejoice.... Read More

Monday, September 9 2024 SCB robberies keep affecting stock price

SCB robberies keep affecting stock price

Secure Capital Bank can’t seem to catch a break, with them being a victim of more robberies than ever.... Read More

Monday, September 9 2024 Mayhem Caused by Crime Sprees a “Smashing” Success for Flatkeep

Mayhem Caused by Crime Sprees a “Smashing” Success for Flatkeep

While New York crumbles, Flatkeep is cashing in on the chaos. By now, New Yorkers must treat the sound of gunfire and explosions like background noise, but for construction company Flatkeep, it’s music to their ears.... Read More

Monday, September 9 2024 Vialock to offer anti-heist insurance

Vialock to offer anti-heist insurance

In a press release earlier today, the security company ViaLock will start to offer insurance to prevent heist attempts.... Read More

Saturday, September 7 2024 Wixia screensaver found to be crypto mining

Wixia screensaver found to be crypto mining

The origin of Wixias recent crypto assets has been made clear as they face a class-action lawsuit for crypto mining their client's computers via their screensaver. Read More

Saturday, September 7 2024 Safe cracking, literally

Safe cracking, literally

Turns out Titan, the company manufacturing indestructible cameras, isn’t as successful in safes. Read More

Monday, August 19 2024 Courthouse under attack

Courthouse under attack

Read an exclusive inside report from the New York courtroom where a breakout attempt is currently underway. Read More

Wednesday, August 14 2024 Judge Maintains Hardline on Crime

Judge Maintains Hardline on Crime

Judge Green's tough sentencing in the wake of NYC's recent crime wave has sparked growing controversy and speculation about his potential move into politics. Read More

Wednesday, July 10 2024 Police Plea Caution for Crime Onlookers

Police Plea Caution for Crime Onlookers

The SBC bank in downtown NYC has been robbed multiple time since it was opened. Yet a recent trend is causing headaches for the NYPD and their efforts to prevent civilian casualties.... Read More

Saturday, June 29 2024 From Gold to Lead for NYPD

From Gold to Lead for NYPD

The 52nd precinct was recently given the dubious honor of safekeeping large quantities of impounded gold.... Read More