Friday, September 6 2024
Story by Ryan Cooper, ,

CenNive fans actually not fans

The electronics company CenNive is in hot water after an airless discovery.

The household electronics giant, known for producing everything from coffee machines to fans, has come under fire after an office worker discovered that their fans, a staple in homes and offices across the country, don’t actually blow air.

“I tried turning up the intensity, but nothing happened. No air, just noise,” said the worker, who was stunned to realize her fan was little more than a glorified white noise machine. “Apparently, there’s just a speaker inside, creating the illusion of a fan operating,” she explained when The Gateway Report called for a statement.

In response, CenNive representatives insisted this was all part of the design. They claimed the fan provides an “enhanced sensation of a breezy wind,” and that saying it doesn’t blow air is “categorically false.” One spokesperson even elaborated: “You can actually feel it blowing if you’re really, really close. But you have to be super close to feel it.”

Technically, they’re right—it does blow air, if you’re willing to lean in and practically hug the thing. But for the average customer expecting, you know, actual airflow, the sense of betrayal remains palpable.