Friday, January 17 2025
Radio Host Off Air, On Trial
Popular radio show host Cecilia “Ceedee” Dugg, best known for her morning talk show Wake Up with Ceedee, was arrested this week after her on-air tirade against an intern.... Read More
Wednesday, January 8 2025
New Year, Same Chaos: NYC’s 2025 Resolution Is Basic Survival
As crime rates, rent prices, and kevlar vest sales skyrocket, New Yorkers are shelving self-improvement goals in favor of simply making it out alive.... Read More
Thursday, January 2 2025
The Terror of The Payday Gang
The recent crime wave is no accident; it’s the work of a single, organized criminal gang.... Read More
Thursday, December 26 2024
Banking Is Doing Well Despite Rise In Crime
Banking is flourishing despite all the recent robberies—or maybe because of them? A theory being circulated in specific online forums claims banks are profiting from the insecurity around the city.... Read More
Monday, December 23 2024
Banks Ends The Year
Today's headlines: New York Crime Wave Continues , A Plea for Normalcy, Animals in Search of a Home, and A Brutal Year, at an End at Last. Read More
Friday, December 20 2024
Silent Nights, Please: The Holiday Gift New Yorkers Actually Want
City residents are making their holiday wishes loud and clear—or rather, quietly clear—for a change. Forget gadgets, fancy clothes, or overpriced tech.... Read More
Thursday, December 12 2024
Wixia’s Failed Smartwatch Rebrands As High-End Dog Collar
In a pivot that screams, “If you can’t beat them, collar them”, tech giant Wixia has decided to salvage its luxury smartwatch disaster by transforming it into a line of premium dog collars.... Read More
Thursday, November 28 2024
HR Manager Busted Running Speakeasy In Stationary Room
A Secure Capital Bank HR manager has been accused of turning a supply room into a late-night speakeasy.... Read More
Thursday, November 14 2024
Supreme Court’s Broken Soda Machine Sparks Unprecedented Legal Crisis
In a shocking twist for New York’s esteemed Supreme Judicial Court, the real scandal isn’t escaped convicts or pending cases; it’s the soda machine in the hallway that has once again—brace yourself—stopped working.... Read More
Wednesday, November 6 2024
Wall Street Broker Fired for Dropping Rhymes Instead of Dimes
A stockbroker at Jordan Investments recently got the boot—not for bad trades, but for mixing beats instead of spreadsheets during work hours.... Read More
Wednesday, October 30 2024
Crafting Chaos: The Skunk Gun Crime Wave Strikes NYC
In a strange turn of events, the cost of resin has skyrocketed as criminals craft skunk-shaped guns, an affront to safety and olfactory senses.... Read More
Wednesday, October 16 2024
Gateway Report Editor Mysteriously Missing: What’s Going On Behind the Scenes?
In what can only be described as an incredibly convenient coincidence, Stefan Laurence, one of our beloved editors at The Gateway Report, has disappeared shortly after being publicly called out on-air by none other than news anchor Robert Banks.... Read More
Friday, October 11 2024
Exclusive: Interview with littleskrunkle – The Virtual Trading Kingpin
As the rest of us were scrambling to hold onto imaginary fortunes and licking our digital wounds from the devastating NYFE crash, one figure emerged unscathed—no, richer than ever.... Read More
Tuesday, October 8 2024
Winners and Losers In Stock Market Crash
Today's headlines: Payday Gang Still Runs Free, Major Market Crash, Winners Amongst Losers, Controversial Tv Show Breaks Record & Lawsuit Against Cold Blood Studios. Read More
Thursday, October 3 2024
Drug Bust At Retirement Home
The wrong medicine was delivered to a retirement home, the elderly took ecstasy instead of heart medication.... Read More
Thursday, September 19 2024
Stock Market In Shambles!
The stock market, the sacred playground of finance bros and hedge fund titans, was brought to its knees this week when the masked villains dropped in—literally—through the roof of the New York Financial Exchange.... Read More
Monday, September 16 2024
Almendia Truck Crash Reveals Airbag Full of Cocaine
In yet another bizarre twist for Almendia, one of their delivery drivers is making headlines—not for his impeccable delivery record, but for crashing his truck and being engulfed in what turned out to be an airbag stuffed with cocaine.... Read More
Monday, September 16 2024
Robert Banks Signs 10-year Contract To Voice Quantz Tech
Ever want to get more of known drug-fiend Robert Banks in your life? Me neither, but here we go.... Read More
Monday, September 16 2024
Like Lazarus, Andrew Kang Rises From The Dead To Reclaim CEO Throne At ScryDigital
Just when the ScryDigital soap opera seemed to be wrapping up, Andrew Kang smashed through the boardroom’s glass doors—literally—and declared himself CEO once more, only days after his unceremonious exit.... Read More
Monday, September 16 2024
Subscription-Based Car Already In Trouble
Subscription services really have gone out of hand. Buffler has been a mainstay on American streets for decades.... Read More
Saturday, September 14 2024
Yung Gold-Chain Changes Name to Yung Gold-Sharke, Shamelessly Courts Bank Sponsorship
In a move that’s equal parts genius and utterly shameless, rapper Yung Gold-Chain has officially rebranded himself as Yung Gold-Sharke—all in a transparent attempt to become an official partner with Gold & Sharke.... Read More
Saturday, September 14 2024
Rydfly’s Bathtub Speaker Shocks Users – Literally
A floating speaker for a bit of bathtub music, not a bad idea! Having it connected to a wall-socket while it bobs around… worse.... Read More
Saturday, September 14 2024
GenSec Guard Finds Missing Woman Lost In Cargo Dock, Praised for Bravery
In a twist no one saw coming, a GenSec guard at Roger Wilson Cargo Terminal became an unlikely hero after discovering a woman who had been lost for two months—while just trying to find a restroom.... Read More
Saturday, September 14 2024
Tech Giant Gixell Scammed In Copper Deal
In a deal seemed like striking gold, or, you know, copper, Gixell got scammed. Copper serves as the backbone of our technology, and with mines drying up around the world, it’s becoming more and more of a scarce resource.... Read More