Thursday, November 14 2024
Supreme Court’s Broken Soda Machine Sparks Unprecedented Legal Crisis
In a shocking twist for New York’s esteemed Supreme Judicial Court, the real scandal isn’t escaped convicts or pending cases; it’s the soda machine in the hallway that has once again—brace yourself—stopped working.... Read More
Wednesday, November 6 2024
Wall Street Broker Fired for Dropping Rhymes Instead of Dimes
A stockbroker at Jordan Investments recently got the boot—not for bad trades, but for mixing beats instead of spreadsheets during work hours.... Read More
Wednesday, October 30 2024
Crafting Chaos: The Skunk Gun Crime Wave Strikes NYC
In a strange turn of events, the cost of resin has skyrocketed as criminals craft skunk-shaped guns, an affront to safety and olfactory senses.... Read More
Wednesday, October 16 2024
Gateway Report Editor Mysteriously Missing: What’s Going On Behind the Scenes?
In what can only be described as an incredibly convenient coincidence, Stefan Laurence, one of our beloved editors at The Gateway Report, has disappeared shortly after being publicly called out on-air by none other than news anchor Robert Banks.... Read More
Friday, October 11 2024
Exclusive: Interview with littleskrunkle – The Virtual Trading Kingpin
As the rest of us were scrambling to hold onto imaginary fortunes and licking our digital wounds from the devastating NYFE crash, one figure emerged unscathed—no, richer than ever.... Read More
Tuesday, October 8 2024
Winners and Losers In Stock Market Crash
Today's headlines: Payday Gang Still Runs Free, Major Market Crash, Winners Amongst Losers, Controversial Tv Show Breaks Record & Lawsuit Against Cold Blood Studios. Read More
Thursday, October 3 2024
Drug Bust At Retirement Home
The wrong medicine was delivered to a retirement home, the elderly took ecstasy instead of heart medication.... Read More
Thursday, September 19 2024
Stock Market In Shambles!
The stock market, the sacred playground of finance bros and hedge fund titans, was brought to its knees this week when the masked villains dropped in—literally—through the roof of the New York Financial Exchange.... Read More
Monday, September 16 2024
Almendia Truck Crash Reveals Airbag Full of Cocaine
In yet another bizarre twist for Almendia, one of their delivery drivers is making headlines—not for his impeccable delivery record, but for crashing his truck and being engulfed in what turned out to be an airbag stuffed with cocaine.... Read More
Monday, September 16 2024
Robert Banks Signs 10-year Contract To Voice Quantz Tech
Ever want to get more of known drug-fiend Robert Banks in your life? Me neither, but here we go.... Read More
Monday, September 16 2024
Like Lazarus, Andrew Kang Rises From The Dead To Reclaim CEO Throne At ScryDigital
Just when the ScryDigital soap opera seemed to be wrapping up, Andrew Kang smashed through the boardroom’s glass doors—literally—and declared himself CEO once more, only days after his unceremonious exit.... Read More
Monday, September 16 2024
Subscription-Based Car Already In Trouble
Subscription services really have gone out of hand. Buffler has been a mainstay on American streets for decades.... Read More
Saturday, September 14 2024
Yung Gold-Chain Changes Name to Yung Gold-Sharke, Shamelessly Courts Bank Sponsorship
In a move that’s equal parts genius and utterly shameless, rapper Yung Gold-Chain has officially rebranded himself as Yung Gold-Sharke—all in a transparent attempt to become an official partner with Gold & Sharke.... Read More
Saturday, September 14 2024
Rydfly’s Bathtub Speaker Shocks Users – Literally
A floating speaker for a bit of bathtub music, not a bad idea! Having it connected to a wall-socket while it bobs around… worse.... Read More
Saturday, September 14 2024
GenSec Guard Finds Missing Woman Lost In Cargo Dock, Praised for Bravery
In a twist no one saw coming, a GenSec guard at Roger Wilson Cargo Terminal became an unlikely hero after discovering a woman who had been lost for two months—while just trying to find a restroom.... Read More
Saturday, September 14 2024
Tech Giant Gixell Scammed In Copper Deal
In a deal seemed like striking gold, or, you know, copper, Gixell got scammed. Copper serves as the backbone of our technology, and with mines drying up around the world, it’s becoming more and more of a scarce resource.... Read More
Saturday, September 14 2024
ViaLock CEO’s Bizarre DUI Arrest Sends Stock Soaring
In a story that could be straight out of a dark comedy, Jennifer Kyte, CEO of ViaLock, was recently arrested for a DUI under some truly bizarre circumstances.... Read More
Saturday, September 14 2024
Wixia Launches VR Headset, Instant Catastrophe
In what can only be described as a tech disaster, Wixia—the same company once caught mining crypto through innocent-looking screensavers (and hilariously paying off their lawsuit in crypto)—has now flopped with their latest venture: the Wixia Immersio VR headset.... Read More
Friday, September 13 2024
Andrew Kang Steps Down as CEO of ScryDigital Amid Kang Coin Fallout
Andrew Kang, the now-former CEO of ScryDigital, has officially stepped down following the turbulent aftermath of his cryptocurrency venture, “Kang Coin.”... Read More
Friday, September 13 2024
Rydfly’s Annoying New Feature Causes Recall
Inspired by the Japanese tradition of yomawari (night watch), volunteers called shōbōdan (volunteer corps) clack together hyōshigi (wooden blocks tied together with string) to remind their neighborhoods to be weary of fire.... Read More
Friday, September 13 2024
Gixell Board Member Harasses Club Goer with “Dance”
In a story that screams, “please no,” a Gixell board member has single-handedly set back workplace respect by a solid decade with some of the most uncomfortable dance moves ever witnessed in public.... Read More
Friday, September 13 2024
A Safe That Tries To Get Somewhere Safe?
Can’t break in to something you can’t catch. In a surprising twist for the world of high-security, Titan, the company famous for its indestructible cameras and vaults, has announced a new development: safes that literally run away when under threat.... Read More
Friday, September 13 2024
Almendia Driver Carries Load… Of Pleasure
In an unexpected turn of events, an Almendia delivery driver was caught using his work van for more than just deliveries.... Read More
Thursday, September 12 2024
Wixia’s Payment Doesn’t Dent Their Holdings
Wixia pays off the entirety of the lawsuit against them using only a fraction of its crypto portfolio.... Read More